Love and The Single Girl

Kerry, beautiful, fun and intelligent, has just split up from her long-term boyfriend. She is in her forties and finds herself in that strange situation where she is in the minority amongst her friends; she is Single.

At first, she thought being single again would be great fun. She's already got children so has no 'ticking biological clock' issues and is loving the fact that she has got her house back to herself, doesn't have to put up with 24 hour sport on the TV, cleaning takes only a few minutes and the bathroom is always clean. Bliss.

Of course, what she didn't bank on is that being single is seen in some quarters like having a disease; a really nasty disease that makes people treat you with suspicion and disdain. It's not so much that they think they might get this dreadful disease, it just turns you into an undesirable.

The dinner party invitations dry up, unless, of course, they know a 'great guy' you'd really get along with. And every time you do start up a conversation with some baldy, tubby guy desperate to tell you about his golf handicap, his wife comes running over, bowling over other guests as she comes to the rescue of her precious beloved.

So what's the problem? Well, now that you are no longer in happy coupledom, you are a threat to all of those happily married men that you were allowed to chat away to last week without comment. Now you are obviously a predator with one goal in mind; to steal that man.

What is it about being single that makes people think that your only aim in life is not to be single? And why would an intelligent woman make a play for every man that comes her way? Has the single woman got no powers of discernment? Will any man do? No matter how ugly, no matter how unsuitable, no matter how married?

It's not just women who see it like this. Men seem to be hyper-sensitive to the 'single woman on the prowl disease.' OK guys, if she's in a low cut top, leaning over you and brushing your arm whilst batting her eyelashes like windscreen wipers on overdrive, you're probably right. But why can't a woman have a conversation with you without you thinking that she's after you? You have not suddenly become sexier than Brad Pitt. No, really, you haven't. And not all single women are desperate to make you think otherwise!

Someone For Everyone

Well it had to happen; I knew it would happen. He has finally fallen in love! And boy has he fallen hard! The eligible bachelor of the group who made all his friends jealous by enjoying the single life, (we mean really enjoying it!) has met a girl.

He declined an afternoon's mix of beer and football to stay at home as his girlfriend was teaching him how to, wait for it... cook! This is a man who likes ding dong food; a takeaway or a ready meal. Seriously, nothing in his kitchen has ever been used!

Ok Ok, so taking cooking lessons from his girlfriend is one thing but to admit it to his friends is another thing all together - especially after all of the mickey-taking over the years. Hours of entertainment to be had with this!

So are we to believe that there really is someone out there for everyone? If you just go out in the world and get on with your life, will your 'soul mate' appear. Or do we just find someone who fits our needs at the time?

Gary wasn't looking for a special someone. In fact, he was still taking advantage of his youthful good looks and his thirty-odd years of experience. He scorned the 'settling down' instincts of his contemporaries. Unless secretly, of course, he was exhausted with all of those young women! Yeah right! In any event, he has fallen and fallen hard.

Perhaps he gives hope to all of those on blind dates, online dating websites and in the meals-for-one section of the supermarket!

Is Your Man Too Big?

There is a very lucky lady who sees herself as unlucky - she has met the perfect man but she tells us (with a straight face) he is too big for sex to be enjoyable, or even possible! Whilst she was expecting sympathy and understanding, all she got was disbelief, wonderment and questions about how big he really is.

Is it possible to be too big? And how big is too big?!

Most women say that they like big ones but rather than 'really big', don't we really just want 'big enough'? Size is a man's preoccupation surely?

Apparently not. There are women out there who just can't get enough. One woman I know has sent proud, cocky men home with their err... tails between their legs!

A young man, claiming to be the highest paid gigolo in the UK says that he is so big that he has to take injections to stop it from growing and sometimes, having an erection is a dangerous activity. Putting aside the question of whether we believe him or not,is his length and girth what make him so popular with the ladies?

Isn't a man like this more of a freak show? It's fun to see it once but after that, wouldn't you rather have sex without an ambulance on stand-by?

The Wedding Ring

Whilst out on Saturday night, Tracey met a man. Nothing unusual about that. He was tall, good-looking and had piercing blue eyes. Now that is unusual! They chatted for a while and she decided that she'd like to spend some more time with him. It was only then that she noticed the wedding ring.

Not too much of a big deal. You can still talk to a man who's married. But he wanted to do more than talk. When questioned about the wedding ring, he seemed unperturbed and talked readily about his wife and three kids. He seemed proud that he hadn't taken the ring off and was,therefore, being honest! Hmmm.

We asked Steve, a married man, for his take on the wedding ring situation. He said that if you chat up a girl with your wedding ring on, then it is the accepted view that she has seen it, knows that you are married and wishes to participate in whatever follows willingly and without recrimination. I guess the idea is that you are only then cheating on one woman, rather than two!

Matt says he doesn't wear his wedding ring at all. He used to but after he and his wife split up and got back together again, he has chosen not to. It is not a sign of diminished committement, he says but that he just doesn't like being labelled. But what is wrong with being labelled as a married man or woman if that is what you are? Should you not be proud to shout to the world that you are married or is it better to be quietly satisfied? Is not wanting to be labelled just an excuse for wanting to be able to pretend not to be married when the mood strikes?

I suppose we have to ask what the wedding ring is for. It is supposed to be a symbol of the never-ending love between two people, an outward sign of the promise you have made. And so,I suppose, a red flag to those who have yet to find their life partner.'Taken, Keep off, Unavailable!' And if you dare to enter upon this territory, you do so at your own risk!

Are You to Blame for his Affair?

Of course you are! Well so says a book recently published and written by a woman who had a long term affair with a married man.

The argument goes thus, if he was happy at home, he wouldn't be on the look out for something else. And maybe there is some truth in it. Er maybe not. We headed to the streets to ask the men themselves what they thought.

Michael tells us 'I wouldn't say it is all the woman's fault but yeah if things were all rosy at home and there was plenty of sex, why would you need to complicate your life with another woman. One is enough.' Thanks for that Michael, we think you've said enough! Joe says, 'Things get boring and staid, the mundanity of everyday life becomes overwhelming, she's too tired, you're too tired, there's always some chore to do and something you should have done and well, it's just not exciting anymore.'

Ok fair enough but if that's the case some might suggest that the answer here is to try and sort out your relationship, deal with any problems, take some time out together, well anything rather than just run off with the nearest available woman.

'It's not as simple as that', says Maurice who defines himself as a serial philanderer. 'I can't leave her and the kids and, believe it or not, I still love her. Having affairs keeps me sane. And it means that I can stay with my wife. I need the security and warmth of my life at home and the excitement of mad sex and that just doesn't happen anymore at home. We still have sex but the familiarity means there isn't the same sort of excitement. So it's not her fault, I guess it's mine but it's just the way I am.'

So is Maurice in a completely separate category of man that just can't simply help themselves? At least he takes responsibility. He just blames ordinary life for his affairs rather than his wife.

Is it the other woman who is to blame? If women didn't have affairs with married men, married men would have no-one to have affairs with! Or so goes the argument...