Is Your Man Too Big?

There is a very lucky lady who sees herself as unlucky - she has met the perfect man but she tells us (with a straight face) he is too big for sex to be enjoyable, or even possible! Whilst she was expecting sympathy and understanding, all she got was disbelief, wonderment and questions about how big he really is.

Is it possible to be too big? And how big is too big?!

Most women say that they like big ones but rather than 'really big', don't we really just want 'big enough'? Size is a man's preoccupation surely?

Apparently not. There are women out there who just can't get enough. One woman I know has sent proud, cocky men home with their err... tails between their legs!

A young man, claiming to be the highest paid gigolo in the UK says that he is so big that he has to take injections to stop it from growing and sometimes, having an erection is a dangerous activity. Putting aside the question of whether we believe him or not,is his length and girth what make him so popular with the ladies?

Isn't a man like this more of a freak show? It's fun to see it once but after that, wouldn't you rather have sex without an ambulance on stand-by?

The Wedding Ring

Whilst out on Saturday night, Tracey met a man. Nothing unusual about that. He was tall, good-looking and had piercing blue eyes. Now that is unusual! They chatted for a while and she decided that she'd like to spend some more time with him. It was only then that she noticed the wedding ring.

Not too much of a big deal. You can still talk to a man who's married. But he wanted to do more than talk. When questioned about the wedding ring, he seemed unperturbed and talked readily about his wife and three kids. He seemed proud that he hadn't taken the ring off and was,therefore, being honest! Hmmm.

We asked Steve, a married man, for his take on the wedding ring situation. He said that if you chat up a girl with your wedding ring on, then it is the accepted view that she has seen it, knows that you are married and wishes to participate in whatever follows willingly and without recrimination. I guess the idea is that you are only then cheating on one woman, rather than two!

Matt says he doesn't wear his wedding ring at all. He used to but after he and his wife split up and got back together again, he has chosen not to. It is not a sign of diminished committement, he says but that he just doesn't like being labelled. But what is wrong with being labelled as a married man or woman if that is what you are? Should you not be proud to shout to the world that you are married or is it better to be quietly satisfied? Is not wanting to be labelled just an excuse for wanting to be able to pretend not to be married when the mood strikes?

I suppose we have to ask what the wedding ring is for. It is supposed to be a symbol of the never-ending love between two people, an outward sign of the promise you have made. And so,I suppose, a red flag to those who have yet to find their life partner.'Taken, Keep off, Unavailable!' And if you dare to enter upon this territory, you do so at your own risk!

Are You to Blame for his Affair?

Of course you are! Well so says a book recently published and written by a woman who had a long term affair with a married man.

The argument goes thus, if he was happy at home, he wouldn't be on the look out for something else. And maybe there is some truth in it. Er maybe not. We headed to the streets to ask the men themselves what they thought.

Michael tells us 'I wouldn't say it is all the woman's fault but yeah if things were all rosy at home and there was plenty of sex, why would you need to complicate your life with another woman. One is enough.' Thanks for that Michael, we think you've said enough! Joe says, 'Things get boring and staid, the mundanity of everyday life becomes overwhelming, she's too tired, you're too tired, there's always some chore to do and something you should have done and well, it's just not exciting anymore.'

Ok fair enough but if that's the case some might suggest that the answer here is to try and sort out your relationship, deal with any problems, take some time out together, well anything rather than just run off with the nearest available woman.

'It's not as simple as that', says Maurice who defines himself as a serial philanderer. 'I can't leave her and the kids and, believe it or not, I still love her. Having affairs keeps me sane. And it means that I can stay with my wife. I need the security and warmth of my life at home and the excitement of mad sex and that just doesn't happen anymore at home. We still have sex but the familiarity means there isn't the same sort of excitement. So it's not her fault, I guess it's mine but it's just the way I am.'

So is Maurice in a completely separate category of man that just can't simply help themselves? At least he takes responsibility. He just blames ordinary life for his affairs rather than his wife.

Is it the other woman who is to blame? If women didn't have affairs with married men, married men would have no-one to have affairs with! Or so goes the argument...

No Strings, Just Sex Please

Samantha recently met a 24 year old man. Nothing extraordinary in this, apart from the fact that she is twelve years older than him. The young man in question is very sweet but , she admits, they have very little in common. She does, however, like the feel of a young firm body! After coming out of a serious long-term relationship, Samantha was happy to have the light-hearted distraction of someone to text flirt with and long weekends of sex.

It was all going well until they had a conversation about where their relationship was going. Samantha tell us, "I thought that it went without saying that it was just a bit of fun. I thought he understood. We just didn't go together at all. I couldn't imagine him meeting my friends and I certainly didn't want to meet his. I thought he felt the same. We were from two different worlds, let alone two different generations. I didn't think for a minute that he thought there was anything more serious going on. When reality hit, it was the death knell for us. I really don't understand. I thought the idea of no-strings sex was a young man's dream!"

We asked lots of men what they would think about this sort of relationship and nearly all of them said that they would be enthusiastic about such an arrangement. But are they telling the truth?

Julie says that she has had several of these relationships. She is a high-flying divorcee who really doesn't want a permanent man in her life. She says that it always starts well but after a few weeks, they want to know where you are going and who you are going with and are getting upset when you haven't invited them to things. It seems that men like to feel needed and wanted and once you take this emotional need away, they are just not happy with the situation at all. Julie says, " I think men are intimidated by it. After all, isn't it men who are supposed to think with their 'manhoods' and women who are unable to separate sex from emotion. When you turn this on it's head, they don't know what to do or what their role is. You'll never get them to admit it though. They'll find another reason why they don't want to play anymore."

Is part of the problem that men just don't really appreciate that women can have sexual needs just like them and don't always require the emotional connection? Tom says, "I must be really naive because I always assumed that women always had the relationship in mind and sex was just part of the whole package. The thought that some of them might just want your body and nothing else is a little scary. I could see how a man could feel used." Oh the irony!

We've spoken to lots of men who seem to live for the no-strings relationship but only when it is them calling the shots. They have already planned the exit strategy after the first meeting but how would they react if it was the woman who laid down the rules of engagement?

And as for Samantha, it would seem that you have made your young man feel like a sexual object when he wanted to hold hands and skip into the sunset. Bad girl. I hope you've learnt your lesson!

What is Sexual Attraction?

What is it about somebody that makes you want to rip their clothes off without so much as a hello? Does the rational part of our brains have any input at all or is it all down to some sort of chemical reaction set off by the mere whiff of 'The One' that we don't even acknowledge? We've all had to listen to stories about how John saw Jean in a crowded room, their eyes locked and they knew they would marry. What's that all about?

They say that we find people attractive when we deem them to be as attractive as we are. We can see this in the 'Beautiful People' and also in the 'I Have A Face Only A Mother Could Love' category. Apparently there is someone for everyone... But it is not as clear cut as this. How many times have you looked at a couple and wondered what they are doing together? How many times have we come to the conclusion that the short, fat, ugly man must have a lot of money to be out with his woman? Are we cynical, realistic or just unaware of the power of attraction?

What is the score when people are just plainly mismatched? We have a friend, all prim and proper, so much so that the word sex could not even be mentioned in her presence. That is, until she met a new man. He has unlocked her own personal Pandora's box and now the world beware! The only thing is, she won't be seen out in public with him. He is, she says, not her type. So rationally, she thinks they don't go together but 'chemistry' is telling her something completely different. It's not that he is ugly; far from it but he doesn't fit her idea of the man she should be dating.

Justin was dating a beautiful woman. All his friends fancied her. She was blonde, blue-eyed, all legs. He says, "I like to think that all of my girlfriends are pretty but this one was text book gorgeous. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was but the problem was, I just didn't fancy her. The guys thought I was crazy but whatever it is that makes two people click together was not there. She just did nothing for me."

Chemistry must be a very personal thing. We can't all be everyone's cup of tea. I'm sure we've all experienced it. A friend will tell us how gorgeous their new partner is and when we finally get to meet the Special One, we just don't see what all the fuss is about. But whatever you do, don't tell them that. At least not until the relationship is over. And then be very careful; friends have a habit of getting back together with their ex after you have happily divulged how vile you found them. It's never pleasant when that happens...