Can You Ever Be Friends with an Ex?

Most of us have a whole closet full of exes ranging back to the innocent snogging of our teens to the intense pressures of our first love to the one that you were going to spend the rest of your life with. How many of these men and women do we still consider as friends.

In His Female Best Friend, we wondered whether your other half could have a best friend of the opposite sex and what it meant for your relationship but what if the sex thing is not in the way anymore? You've already been there, exhausted your passion? The excitement of the new is no longer playing it's part. Can you have a friendship with them now?

We spoke to Brett who had lived with his girlfriend for four years. They split up, amicably and he has just returned from her wedding. They speak all the time on the phone. Their friendship is genuine and deep, as presumably, they still care about each other and they know each other better than anyone else, except hopefully, for her new husband! Are they only friends because their break-up was amicable and their relationship had, in any event, turned into friendship only along the way?

Jon tells us, "I couldn't look at my ex for two years. It just hurt too much even when I thought I had got over her. I just spent most of my time thinking up cruel and unusual ways to ruin her life. It was only when I was happy with somebody else that I could muster a hello." Well, the ex had run off with his best friend!

Carl hated his ex-wife. He couldn't even bear to talk to her on the phone. "If it hadn't been for the kids, I would have been happy never to set eyes on her again. It's been fifteen years since the divorce and we still only talk about the kids." Is his bitterness because she left him? No, he left her as she had betrayed him in a way that he cannot forgive.(I don't know what she did, he wouldn't tell me, I must be losing my touch!) Is it the old adage that there is a very fine line between love and hate? No, he is adamant, there is no love and the hate is finally beginning to diminish.

So that's two against and one for. I have very mixed views on this one, so let me know what you all think!

Online Dating Diaries IV

The last time we joined Chris, he had been on a date with a lady with a blue rinse and a bus pass. Have his other dates been any more successful?

It would seem that things are looking up. He has been corresponding with a 38 year old runner. She should have good thighs, be fit and in shape, she's funny on the email, good job, no kids, gorgeous face. This could be the one.

And so they met. And yes, you've guessed it, despite looking fantastic on paper, there was no sexual chemistry. And although very fit, she was a fit barrel.

They had 5 or 6 dates as friends but she wanted more, she wanted to date exclusively. In the online dating world, it is completely normal to date more than one person at a time, as it is, I am told, a numbers game; the more people you date, the higher the chance you might meet one person that you want to spend more time with.

Chris says, "She wanted sex and I had just about ran out of excuses. I told her I wasn't interested but she said, 'Kiss me and just see what happens.' She grabbed me and pressed her lips hard on mine but with her mouth clamped shut like they did in old forties movies. She pressed so hard, she made my lips bleed! She then flung herself back on the sofa and started writhing about and said 'I'm ready' I started to flee and she chased me (she's a runner, remember), she flung me against the wall, (she must do weight training too!) and wrapped her legs around me so I was trapped and started doing that weird kiss thing again. I eventually got away more or less unscathed, apart of course, from the bloody lip.

And now she is stalking me. I'm being stalked by a rugby prop forward."

Now here's a man who doesn't know when to give up! We'll return to Chris who hopefully will soon obtain a restraining order and will live to date another day!

Girl Talk On Sex, Cheese and Wine

Pippa ponders on a weekend with the girls...

Well it was meant to be a civilised spa day and sociable meal out with the girls on Saturday night - what an eye opener and we didn't even need wine to get tongues rolling!

I'm not quite sure how the conversation arose but sex was firmly on the agenda - maybe while the boys are away the girls are more than happy to swap stories - and as you all know, girls love to share...

Obviously, not everything is going to suit everyone, but some of these little gems are definitely worth a try.

Take the simple ice cube. Now you'd be forgiven for thinking that it sits nicely with a G & T and a slice of lime (lemon is so 80's), but apparently not. Girls if you fancy it, place it somewhere warm and dark about your person (I'll leave it to your imagination) let it melt, and wait for the fun to commence. This is a pleasure for you and apparently it's a treat for your fella too.

Also, if your man likes fun of the oral kind - and let's face it, which man doesn't? - a firm favourite with the girls is 'cold mouth, hot mouth' (and don't worry if coffee doesn't do it for you, my friend prefers herbal tea). My particular favourite, the mouth full of champagne, (yes, I have expensive tastes!) provides lots of exquisite treats for your man and lots of fun. See if you can do this without it going everywhere.

Now this next one I would strongly suggest you don't try whilst inebriated or you may put your loved one in hospital! Apparatus required? The common cheese grater. Who'd have thought?! Apparently, if you use the cheddar cheese side upside down on a certain sensitive, bell-shaped part of your fella, (and please not the nutmeg side - it brings tears to his eyes), he will love you forever. My girlfriend actually made her fella howl with pleasure! He was so ecstatic he went to heaven and back! Laughed? - I'm still laughing now! My other half is quaking in his boots - don't quite think he's sure about this one!

If you do try this last one, we accept no responsibility for the consequences, be they good or bad!

Anyway ladies - if you've tried it, email your comments - DD and I await with interest, together with any other gems you'd care to share.

Marbella Madness

Pippa and I have decided to take our research a little further afield and I am on a reconnaissance mission in the sultry, steamy, Spanish town of Marbella. Ok, I'm really here to escape the sodden, soggy British summer. Unfortunately, Pippa has become a victim of said, sad, summer and has taken to her bed with pain killers and box of tissues. She will join me shortly. Pippa, there's a bright yellow thing in the sky which gives out heat, and did you know that the sky could be blue?

Marbella is the town where everybody drives Ferraris. In fact, they are so common that to set yourself apart, you need an Aston Martin DB9. The designer shops in Puerto Banus never shut. After all, you never know when you might need an emergency Gucci handbag at three in the morning. The beautiful and rich hang out here. It should be interesting.

I've identified three different types of men so far in Puerto Banus. There's tourist family man, usually exceedingly pale or lobster-like, looking uncomfortable in ill-fitting summer clothes bought by his wife, often spotted carrying a bucket and spade and other child-appropriate paraphernalia.

Type 2 is the stag party man, always in a herd, identified by matching T-shirts with amusing nicknames on the back. Not seen until late afternoon, mostly inebriated, generally on the hunt for a hen party. Most creative chat up line to date, "You're gorgeous, fancy a shag?"

Type 3 is in his forties or older, wears trendy designer clothes, often sporting too much bling and is always accompanied by a tall, leggy, blonde with no body fat but enormous boobs and lips and little in the way of clothing.

So our posts may be a little erratic as we go deep undercover to investigate further. No, that doesn't mean lying on sunbeds and drinking to excess. Well, unless it's in the name of research, of course...

To Be Or Not To Be... Faithful

We recently met a group of men and it transpires that every single one of them had had an affair and would feel quite comfortable to have more. In fact, it was so commonplace that they seemed to think that this was an integral part of being married. They all claimed to love their wives but took whatever opportunities that came their way to stray.

So the question is, "Is monogamy an outdated concept neither suitable for men or women or is it only men that are incapable of remaining faithful?"

We spoke to some men who claimed that infidelity was in their blood. Their fathers had done it and they fully expected that it would be their lot in life.

Carl tells us, "I believe in being faithful but then I have never had a relationship that has lasted longer than six months! And I have never told a girl that I love her. When I am in a relationship, I might flirt with other girls, it is merely an ego thing. I go as far as I can but I never cross the line."

He has lots of friends that do cross the line but they never make judgements about each other. His explanation of his friends that play away? "Men think only of the physical act, there is no emotion involved, it is just very animalistic." The implication is, of course, that infidelity does not affect their relationships as long as their wives don't find out.

And he could be right. Perhaps these flings keep their marriages fresh. After all, in France, it almost goes without saying that rich, powerful men will have a mistress. The wife will know all about it but as long as it is conducted in a discreet fashion, it is accepted. It is acknowledged that men have needs that a wife or a monogamous relationship will not be able to fulfill.

But do we accept that it is only men that get bored with their wives and the settled routine of their lives and seek a bit of excitement and ego stroking? Do women not enjoy feeling attractive to an unfamiliar man and seek the thrill of the first kiss with someone else?

And why has Carl only had short-lived relationships? After 6 months or so, the sex has become familiar, the desire diminishes and he moves on. He has stayed single because he hasn't yet met the girl that he thinks would make him want to be faithful forever.

Admiral though his quest may be, is he fighting a losing battle against nature?